Overcoming the obstacles that could have prevented me from reaching out to a mentor and elevating my life to another level.

As the first love has a special place in our hearts, my first mentor has a special place in my memory. And my skills.

That morning, another day began that would have been just like any other ordinary day if I hadn’t had to meet someone who could significantly change my life. So, I eagerly awaited the end of the workday and the meeting I had scheduled at the café beneath the office building where I work.

Entering the café, I scanned the crowd, hoping to spot the person I had only known from photographs. There, in the corner, sat a suspect with medium-length hair and stubble, smoking a cigarette and typing on his laptop. Since he matched my idea of the person I was supposed to meet, I approached, shyly uttering his name with a questioning tone.

He smiled, stating my name as well and inviting me to join him at the table. As I sat down, I wasn’t aware that I was about to make one of the best decisions in my life.

The man in front of me was to become my mentor. In fact, that day was even more significant because it planted a seed for the discovery of my new lifestyle.

From that day up to now, my lifestyle heavily relies on collaboration with various mentors.

Throughout history, many famous people have been mentors and mentees to each other. I’d like to mention a few famous ones.

Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg: They had one of the most influential mentoring relationships in history. Prior to his death in 2011, Steve Jobs revealed in his biography that he served as a mentor for Mark Zuckerberg.

Warren Buffet and Bill Gates: Before Gates became known once as the richest man in the world, he was under mentorship guidance of Warren Buffet, whom he credited for teaching him about managing time and prioritising people around him. He also credited Buffet as critical to his philanthropy work as Buffet reminded him to do more things that impact society.

Barack Obama and Michelle Robinson: Before they got married, Barack Obama and Michelle Robinson (Obama) were co-workers. Barack Obama credited his future wife as his mentor, citing how her guidance was critical in steering his career in the right direction.

Jim Rohn and Mr. Shoaff: Mr. Shoaff, whose full name was Earl Shoaff, was a successful entrepreneur and businessman. He mentored Jim Rohn, who later became a renowned motivational speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Andrew Carnegie and Napoleon Hill: Napoleon Hill was an American author who is widely considered as one of the pioneers of the self-help and personal success genre. Under Carnegie’s guidance, Hill spent over 20 years researching and interviewing some of the most successful people of his time, and the principles he derived from these interviews formed the basis of his landmark book, “Think and Grow Rich.”

Therefore, mentor-mentee relationships are a common thing in the world, and majority of us know that. According to research data, 76% of employees see the importance of mentorship, jet only 37% of professionals have a mentor.

Why is there such a discrepancy between these two percentages?

Here, I may give a clue, as I will share the major obstacles I had to overcome before finally enjoying the sessions with my mentors, such as not knowing where to find mentor, whom to pick, or being deterred by the necessity to pay for expensive tuition fees.

Finding Various Opportunities for Engaging a Mentor

The first reason why we might not engage a mentor could be because we don’t know anyone who could help us. Similarly, I didn’t know anyone whom I could ask to be my mentor, nor did I seriously consider the idea of finding one.

Luckily, I had a friend from a mastermind group who directed me to an excellent mentor. I was wise enough to reach out to him, and then we met, as I described it in the introduction of the story.

Nowadays, after positive experiences with various mentors, I’m always proactive in finding them.

When I’m looking for a business mentor, coach, or public speaking trainer, I usually contact them through LinkedIn. Furthermore, if it’s something less formal (music, photography, stand-up), I typically reach out to them through social media or in person, if there’s an opportunity during which they have a public presentation, performance, or exhibition.

What has proven to be a winning combination for me is finding people whose work I admire. It doesn’t matter whether they professionally teach their craft or not.

For example, my stand-up comedy mentor, who is one of the most successful stand-up comedians in the country, doesn’t professionally teach stand-up. He is just a performer.

Nevertheless, it was enough for me to attend his performance and sincerely approach him, asking if he would like to be my mentor. As soon as I proposed my idea, it was evident that he was flattered and immediately agreed to collaborate.

There are only few people who will turn down our genuine appeal to be shown and taught something where they are experts at. Others will gladly accept it.

From the examples mentioned above, we can see that it is relatively easy to establish contact once we find a person we are interested in. But what if we don’t have the slightest idea about whom should we pick?

Considering the multitude of people offering coaching and teaching services, how can we be sure that we have found the right person?

Being “Good Enough” As a Criteria For Hiring a Mentor

My first mentor I was lucky to find through a friend’s recommendation. But, what about other mentors? I didn’t know how good they are. Nevertheless, I managed to find at least some recommendations for them, and if something seemed good enough, I would reach out to that person.

So, “good enough” is the threshold I am looking for. I realized that looking for the best person out there could be a hindrance because we may be spending unnecessary time trying to find such a person. Moreover, even if our mentor is not the best one, that’s most likely still good enough.

Statistically, it’s impossible that all of my mentors were the best in their fields, but nevertheless, I have enjoyed spending time with them.

What matters to me is that he, or she, is good enough to teach me what I need to learn. If he’s even better, that’s excellent. However, “good enough” is my threshold, not perfectness. I just have to feel good about him.

Only once did my feelings tell me that the person I was looking to work with was not for me. I am not saying that she was a charlatan, I just had a strong sense that I was wasting money on her by the large margin, because she had the same approach to all of her clients, while I was certainly not at the beginner’s level.

But with all of the others, I was more than happy, and I thank them for their valuable input. They showed up in my life when I needed them, and they taught me some lessons in the most effective way.

When I started with music, I had a guitar mentor and several drum mentors.

When I started with public speaking, I had several mentors who were either business coaches, speaking coaches, phonetic experts, or theatre actors.

When I started with stand-up comedy, I turned to one of the best stand-up comedians in the country, asking him to be my mentor, which he enthusiastically accepted.

When I began with photography, I found a mentor who specialises in artistic photography and has a photo studio. My wonderful experience with him and the lessons he taught me, I have shared here.

As I already said, some of mentors I was working with were professionals who were selling their teaching services, however, others were just experts with no teaching experience. Nevertheless, they eagerly accepted my inquiry to be taught. All combinations worked for me.

Enduring Through Tuition Fees for Reaping the Best Benefits

Once we finally pick up and meet with the person we want to work with, there is one thing we should be ready to pay a lot.

When I sat in the café with my first mentor, I was very curious to find out how much he charged. I expected that the fee for one-on-one tuition by one of the best business mentors would cost a lot.

In fact, I had some idea of how much it might cost, having heard rumours about the fees top business mentors usually charge. So, I had predetermined a limit I was willing to go.

However, when he answered the question I was curious about, I was shocked with what he said, because he asked for 50% more than I was willing to pay. To put it in perspective, he requested 15% of the average national salary of where I live. And that was just for one session.

Business coaching fees usually vary from $500 to $5000 per month or even more. The most experienced coaches, such as Tony Robbins charge a whopping $1m per year to get private coaching with them.

It seemed like a lot to me, and it disappointed me. Not wanting to immediately decline the “partnership” because it’s easier for me to dismiss someone through messages than in person, I told him I needed to think it over and sleep on it. That way, our first meeting ended, and we went our separate ways.

When I got home, I felt completely distressed for two reasons, neither of which would offer a satisfactory resolution. One option was to work with him, but it meant paying him a lot. The alternative option was not to have a mentor; however, that would entail sacrificing my progress.

Luckily, I had a wise friend who told me to regard money as a plain paper of no value and imagine mentorship costing a certain number of such green and orange papers.

Moreover, what can I lose? I have never tried something like that in my life, so why not try it now? Even bad investment is a valuable experience. Ultimately, I accepted my friend’s suggestion and called my mentor, confirming the desire to start working with him.

Russell Brunson, a marketing guru, claims in his book “The Expert Secrets” that, when someone charges you a price, he is doing you a favour, because you’ll be more committed. From that perspective, the price we pay increases our chances of success.

The effect of payment to teaching outcomes was further confirmed by Russell Brunson’s anecdote. Namely, he founded his master-mind group called “The Inner Circle.” Mastermind groups are useful for getting and sharing the knowledge with exceptional individuals, as well as for networking.

Brunson charged for participation in his group as much as 25.000$ per year! All of the members paid such an amount, except a couple of his friends, to whom he granted free participation.

Was there a difference in success between those two groups? Brunson reported that no one of his friends who got free participation did achieve success. However, with those who payed, it was a completely different story.

Similar behaviour of consumers was confirmed in HBR article: Consumers feel compelled to use products they’ve paid for to avoid feeling that they’ve wasted their money.

Finally, despite the significant investment required for mentorship sessions, my perspective completely changed once I started experiencing their benefits.

I noticed that:

The higher the tuition price I payed, the less I took it for granted, and the more benefits I reaped.

The Benefits I Reaped From Mentorship Sessions Were Way Beyond My Expectations

Once I overcame that major obstacle inside my head, I met with my mentor and we set a plan for my personal development. The main thing we were working on was public speaking, which fascinated me because I saw it as an excellent lever to accelerate my personal development, and I also needed it frequently in a business environment.

My mentor helped me with public speaking more than I could hope for. Namely, he also involved me in educating young and intelligent individuals from the Rotaract group about public speaking through weekly workshops.

I realise now that there was a reason behind it, as the key to subject mastery is teaching it to others. According to the Learning Pyramid model, students are able to retain about 90% of what they’re able to teach to others.

It was something that completely thrilled me. To be a mentor to others about the topic I was interested in the most. That was way beyond what I had expected.

89% of those who have been mentored will also go on to mentor others.

Furthermore, when I gave lectures in the business setting, I didn’t have to wait long to receive confirmation from the audience that my public speaking skills were visibly improving.

But, as I became better at public speaking, my ambitions grew as well.

One day, we met at a café to discuss my future plans. I then expressed my desire to give a TEDx talk. I said it tentatively because deep down, I felt that I wasn’t yet worthy or competent enough for such a venture. Nevertheless, he said, “Yes, let’s go for it.”

When he said “Let’s go for it”, I felt as it already did happen.

In other words, despite my self-doubt, after his affirmative response, I became completely certain that it was about to happen. And it did. I was invited to the TEDx conference at the University of Zagreb, where I delivered a talk titled “One More.”

It’s also worth mentioning that during the period of his supervision, I was promoted 2x! That’s the power of a mentor. With mentors, we can more easily overcome obstacles that would otherwise seem insurmountable. They can give us the courage to go for it.

Seeing the fruits I was getting from my mentor, I used to contemplate how much he was worth it now that I knew him.

When I compared what I got, vs. what I gave, I felt embarrassing for paying him such a low price, which during our first meeting seemed to be through the roof. What a turnaround!

So to alleviate the guilt, I started buying him various books as an additional compensation he didn’t ask for.

Our collaboration lasted for about two years until he suddenly gave me his final lesson. He left for no reason. He wasn’t answering my calls anymore. No explanation.

He was an extreme professional, and it was impossible that he didn’t know that such things shouldn’t be done. However, he did it, and it’s up to me to guess the reason. The way I explained it to myself is that people show up in our lives when we need them and leave when it’s time.

Sometimes I feel sad for not seeing him anymore, but that’s the way life goes.

Inspired by my positive experience, I decided that I would always find a mentor when venturing into a new area of life, regardless of the circumstances.

Takeaway

Reflecting on my experiences with mentors, I’ve come to realise that the quickest path to progress often involves finding a mentor. However, this requires proactive effort and financial investment, as good mentors are not easy to find, and they typically come at a significant cost.

For some of us, they are genuinely too expensive. For the majority of others, it’s just a poor excuse. Most of us have enough money to pay for tuition; however, we often don’t want to do it because we think we could be better off investing our money and time elsewhere.

Therefore, in many cases, complaints about price can often feel like an excuse for complacency, laziness, lack of seriousness, or something of that kind.

Once we overcome the obstacles and find ourselves sitting across the person we choose to work with, there is to implement the one key principle in order to reap the most benefits from our sessions.

We have to be serious.

I was really serious about my personal development, and believe that being serious is the best gift you can give to your mentor. Although good mentors have to charge the price, often a high price, because it may seem foolish not to get as much as they can, it is not money but sharing of knowledge that is their primary motivation for work. They want their knowledge to stick with the other side.

“What greater joy can a teacher feel than to witness a child’s success?” ― Michelle L. Graham

Here are the benefits I’ve gained from over ten years of working with different mentors:

Access to a professional within my domain of interest.

Tailor-made approaches that fostered rapid learning.

Cutting through the noise and saving time.

Professional assessment of my strengths and weaknesses.

Direct feedback on my performance.

Helping me connect with my authentic aspirations.

Time-efficient support in problem-solving.

Networking opportunities and the chance to meet other outstanding individuals in the mentor’s circle.