I started at Google just over five years ago. A year before that, I was a TVC. Nothing ever really stays the same at a place like Google. People come and go, priorities change, and culture evolves. That hit home for me this year especially. In just the first half of this year, two of my closest mentors left my immediate orbit to go do other things. First off, how dare they? Second, It got me thinking — and that thinking lead me to a deep feeling of appreciation and gratitude that I wanted to reflect on.

Even though I’ve been an Engineering Program Manager the whole time, I’ve been lucky to work on some wildly different stuff. I managed Google+’s content and community management team before helping the platform find an enterprise fit as Currents. I had a crisis of imposter syndrome and worked on account infrastructure for Family Link. (Note: this did not help my imposter syndrome and was probably a big mistake.) I had a stint on an Area 120 project. Most recently, I started Google’s Internal Community Management Team.

Reentering the office and seeing people face to face again, I’m feeling drawn back to the grounding advice from people who’ve spent, frankly, a lot of time molding me into a better person and manager. There’s honestly something about being back in the halls that inspires me to think back to what I’ve learned in them.

I hope that the the lessons offered to me help as we enter the second half of 2022, wherever that might take you. Here they are:

Say, “I don’t know. I have to think about it.”

I asked a close mentor of mine for their “genius parting wisdom” once. Like, straight up: “Give me some genius parting wisdom that will make me better if you’re going to move orgs.” The answer I got surprised me.

They told me that they had never heard me say, “I don’t know. I have to think about it.”

In my career, I was so focused on asserting that I could do what was asked of me that I was on the precipice of accidentally freaking people out with my confidence. No one has the answer to everything. It’s actually pretty worrisome if someone seems like they do.

It seemed counterintuitive to me at first, but you can instill confidence by telling someone you have no idea what you’re doing. I haven’t always felt like I could do that—and I think experience plays a decent part in feeling confident to be this honest—but man… it really made sense.

Never waste a crisis…

You might only get someone’s attention for one minute, one time. In fact, they might only care about your issue once in their whole life. But if you have a decision-maker’s attention, use it. If you know you can get that attention, get it.

Crises are actually just really stressful opportunities.

They are some of the most rewarding moments of my career. Being able to look into the storm cloud of a totally messed up situation and see clearer weather is valuable. Having the perspective to navigate other people through it is invaluable.

Not letting a crisis feel like the end of the world is how you come out of one with positive change.

…and leave a crisis with more friends than you started with.

Scorched earth might get you a result, but it might not win you a relationship. Earlier in my career, I watched as some decisions were highly effective, but resulted in burnout, feelings of isolation, and fewer paths forward. This actually created a never-ending domino effect of crisis manufacturing to move the next project forward.

You don’t always want a crisis. You don’t want a crisis environment to be the only way you find your most effective self. You actually want friends. You want a close-knit working group. Build bridges through the power of a shared experience. It’s gonna make every other experience a lot easier.

Encourage curiosity during decision-making, even if it takes longer.

Consensus is frustrating. Even more so if you’re a subject matter expert in the decision space. The easy answer is to play the “I know what I’m talking about; here’s how it’s done…” card. It can be intoxicating to make a decision and run with it when you know it’s right. You’ll shut down extraneous conversation which helps you move forward faster —and you’ll probably get the results you want. Awesome, right?

Well, not exactly.

Oftentimes, when you need a consensus to move forward, it’s best to facilitate curiosity rather than just giving the “right” answer that will move things forward. This will probably take longer. It might take some trial and error. But your team/coworkers will find an answer that energizes and excites them. It’s a rewarding experience. And they’ll understand the topic you care about even more deeply. Truly win, win.

Do everything you can to keep your team curious and passionate.

Say it on one slide.

No matter how big or small the problem, there is always a way to present it on one slide when you’re getting stakeholders’ approval—especially more senior stakeholders.

If you put a problem, context, supporting data, and three options with a recommendation on one slide, you know what you’re talking about. You will keep people’s attention and you will get an affirmative direction.

Don’t worry if you can’t do this right away. Problems are hard, and I typically start with longer decks for closer coworkers and working groups. Use those longer sessions to drill down into the most important context, align on ways forward, and work through what risk you’re all comfortable with. You’ll naturally find yourself with a clearer direction with fewer questions for more succinct slide decks as you work up your chain of approvers.

Be the goofiest person in the room.

Some people probably find me to be a lot. Maybe even a smidge unprofessional. I’ve felt the judgement from people in suits, but for some reason I’ve always thought it was important to do stuff like respond intentionally casually to emails or break the ice before a meeting. Whenever I got the feedback to “button up” or be more serious, I was adamant that I would not. It took me years to realize why.

You can create space for others by intentionally pushing back figurative, stuffy barriers that are preventing collaboration. If a room feels emotionally claustrophobic, I will purposefully open up myself (something that’s easy and natural for me), so that others will feel just a little less afraid of being more themselves. There’s great value in give people the space to open up by creating it yourself.

People should never be surprised by what you say about them.*

One of the times I’ve felt most hurt at work was when I found out that someone was praising me to my face, but presenting me in a… very different way to others. I genuinely couldn’t believe it. It was so upsetting that I repeatedly asserted to myself, privately, and to my friends and family that I would never do such a thing.

Eh, yeah, but we’re all human and I totally had.

Seeing some of my more immature behavior modeled back to me was humbling. I had totally told a manager once that they were great, but complained behind their back. Over the pandemic, I reached out to this person to tell them this story and to apologize. It was like a weight off my shoulders and I never want to carry that baggage around again. You won’t get ahead forever by misrepresenting your opinion of someone. This kind of lying will gnaw at you in peaceful moments. Don’t do it.

Be intentional about finding the time to genuinely address difficult situations. You don’t always have to say your opinions in the moment Real World style, but you don’t ever have to say something that isn’t true.

*Quick note here that I fully understand that this advice isn’t always possible, especially when power dynamics or inappropriate actions are in play. This is advice for not those moments.

Sometimes self-care is tequila and mac-and-cheese.

It can be exhausting trying to recover from a stressful situation or burnout when everyone is telling you what’s best for you. “The science says to meditate… Try this thought process I learned in a TED talk… etc etc.” Listen to this sometimes, but also listen to yourself when you just. want. to eat. something carby. and cheesy.

Or if you want a cocktail, health experts be damned.

Your mind needs care and love, and sometimes that comfort doesn’t have to be the latest trend or evidence-based spirituality.