As I celebrate my 66th birthday, I feel like I have a lot more life to live. But I wished I’d made better choices earlier in my life.

Here are some regrets I have:

1. Making important decisions without thinking them through.

For instance, I started off studying journalism in college. Back in the day, I could have made a decent living doing that, and writing has always been my thing. But I decided to study plant science to save the world. Then I got a master’s in entomology because it was interesting. Not the smartest moves I ever made, but at least my master’s enabled me to teach.

2. Failing slowly.

I spent more time and money than I should have on failed businesses. Yes, I learned lessons, but I should have packed up much sooner than I did. These days, I fail fast and move on.

3. Not being better with money.

My parents were well-off, and I had good role models. But they didn’t explicitly teach me what to do, and I wanted to make my own mistakes, which I certainly did. I should have swallowed my pride and followed tried-and-true money principles. Here are some of those principles I finally gleaned (and am now applying) from The Psychology of Money:

If You Want to Keep Screwing Up Your Financial Life, Don’t Read This Book

I don’t read a lot of personal finance books, but this one truly changed my money mindset

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4. Comparing myself to others.

When I play the comparison game, sometimes I feel better about myself, and sometimes I feel worse, but it’s a no-win game. I’m unique, and I have my own gifts and talents to steward and my crosses to bear.

5. Not being more intentional with my kids.

I stayed home with my kids, so you’d think I wouldn’t have too many regrets. Wrong. I spent quantity time with them, but I should have honed in on quality, too. Like my parents missed passing the money baton to me, I missed passing important batons to my kids.

6. Not having more fun with my kids.

Their dad was the fun parent. I went along for the ride (literally; I have no sense of direction, and one of the few things I miss about my ex-husband is that he always drove and had an almost infallible sense of direction). We didn’t have much money, but I could have tried harder to make things more memorable for the kids.

7. Being a people pleaser.

I tend to avoid conflict, and I often shut up and put up to keep the peace. That might have been peaceful for others, but it wasn’t for me. Sometimes it’s wise to let things go, but some hills are worth dying on. These days, I’m not rude just for the heck of it, but I’m standing my ground on those hills.

8. Staying in a victim mentality.

I was particularly ill-used by my narcissistic ex-husband, who turned our five kids against me. (They’ve all come back, although it took some a few years.) For several years after my divorce, I felt sorry for myself and had trouble moving on. I decided I needed to take back my own power, and I’m still in the process of doing that. I hadn’t realized how much power I had, and how much of that I’d relinquished.

9. Not setting and enforcing boundaries.

One big reason I stayed in a victim mentality is that my lack of boundaries made me easy prey. Even when I did set boundaries, I continually allowed people to cross them. I can’t control other people’s behavior, but I can protect myself from actions that harm me.

10. Not writing for years at a time.

I’ve tried to do lots of things besides writing. I thought writing was something I was good at but could never do full-time, so it wasn’t worth doing. These days, I’m a part-time writer, but I won’t let days slip by without writing. It feeds my soul and helps me think clearly.

11. Silencing my voice.

This goes along with not writing (because I didn’t know what I thought) and people-pleasing. Writing is part of my voice, but I also need to speak up in real life.

12. Marrying my ex.

There were a lot of red flags about my ex-husband that I didn’t pay attention to. I wish I had made a better, more intentional choice. Still, I have five kids, and he had a part in their creation, so it’s not a total loss.

Moving on

Maybe you feel that people shouldn’t live life looking in the rearview mirror. Agreed. But reflecting on roads we’ve already traveled will help us avoid dead ends and dangerous potholes.

So what about you? What do you regret doing or not doing? I’d love to see your comments!