The 11 Biggest Lies They Teach You (That Kills Your Success)
Some of this will hurt.
Heck, it took me years to unlearn these.
But the sooner you realize the lies they tricked you into believing, the sooner you can thrive.
Because if there’s anything I learned in life, it pays to have independent thought and be courageous enough to go against the grain if you believe in something.
Whether you agree or disagree, I’m confident it’ll make you rethink things.
Let’s go.
If you do what we say, we’ll like you.
Get that job. Go to that school. Get that car. Buy that house.
Jump through all those hoops and, eventually, we’ll accept you.
False.
Whether it’s your society, family, culture, etc., they’ll still find things that are wrong with you. They’ll still nitpick. They’ll still say you’re not enough.
When the critics tell you what to do, I promise that even if you do it, they’ll still criticize you for something else.
It’s a game you will never win.
On top of that, some people won’t like you no matter what—they first time they see you, they dislike you. Some people like to criticize and get offended about everything—and nothing you can do will change that.
Yet, frankly, these people don’t give one fuck about you.
Not only do they not care about you, but once you start doing better than them, they’ll probably stop liking you anyway.
Bottom line: Stop trying to win people’s approval because you’re never going to get it.
Do what you want, have integrity, and let the chips fall where they may.
You are special.
Ouch.
Yeah, you’re “special” alright… just like the other 8 billion people on Earth.
I believe many problems in my culture happen because we’re taught that we’re all “special,” “unique,” and “important.”
So they go through life with an inflated ego and massive overconfidence that came from doing nothing.
But we’re just like everyone else.
Fact: If I’m “special,” then everyone’s “special.”
But if “everyone’s special,” then nobody’s special.
Don’t worry about being “remarkable,” “amazing,” “great,” “better than 99% of others,” etc.
Just focus on a life that gives you meaning and doing what you believe in, day in and day out.
Once you have X, Y, and Z, you’ll be happy.
Money. Your dream partner. A fancy whatchamacallit.
Stop trying to accomplish things to feel “happy” because it’ll never give you that feeling.
For example, if you can’t be happy when you’re single, you can’t be happy in a relationship.
The world is full of people who settle for any partner because they’re afraid to be alone.
If you wait until you’re rich to be happy, the second you become “rich,” you’ll enjoy it for a few moments—and then go right back to where you were before.
Embrace the journey. Learn to enjoy where you are.
It’s not about complacency; it’s about understanding that happiness is all around you.
Why defer it?
After all, you won’t stop working hard when you’re happy, right?
If anything, you’ll be more productive because you’ll put joy and enthusiasm behind your efforts.
Do great in school and you’ll be successful.
Not so fast.
Doing “good” in school is basically just reading the book, memorizing factoids, doing what they tell you, not speaking out, not making waves, etc.
If you know more than your teacher, good luck. (You better hope you have a very accepting or magnanimous teacher.)
Let’s not forget how much bureaucracy exists within schools, public or private, middle school or university.
And keep this in mind:
If you speak out about the things you believe in — even if you’re right — I promise you your grades will decline and they’ll leave comments on your report card for being “uncooperative.”
I’m not saying you should flunk out of school and screw your options for the future.
I’m saying that it’s important to separate “being good in school” versus “being good in life.”
Generally speaking, the skills that really help you in the real world are learning information quickly, adapting to different challenges, taking action, being brave, and persisting through difficulties.
These are not things that they teach you in school.
Instead, we learn about isosceles triangles.
Save your money.
WHAT… ARE YOU SAYING DON’T SAVE MONEY?
Don’t be stupid.
Saving money is good.
Investing money is better.
“Saving all your money” is a surefire way to never be wealthy—unless you have a super-high salary combined with super-low expenses.
Factoring inflation, the interest from your bank might not even help you break even.
Learn how to invest your money. This is beyond the scope of this article, but trust me, familiarize yourself with stocks, real estate, fixed-income funds, and more.
The best thing I can say is “diversify.”
But keeping 99.9% of your money in savings is not diversification.
Do X, Y, and Z and you’ll be attractive to women/men/etc.
Can certain things make you more attractive? Sure.
Getting in good shape. Dressing well. Grooming yourself. Being a charismatic person. Learning how to be a better conversationalist.
Definitely.
But… there are some things that, no matter what you do, people will still hold against you.
You have to accept it and let it go.
For example, here’s a painful truth:
If you’re a straight Asian male in the United States, there is NOTHING you can do to equal the dating success of any other ethnicity—all else equal.
The same goes if you’re short. (If you combine the two, welcome to my world.)
This has been proven again and again in many studies.
Is it fair?
To me, the real question is, “Who gives a shit?”
In my life, I had to accept it, get over it, and focus on everything else in my control.
If you don’t, however, you’re going to blame yourself for not being “X” enough when, in reality, you’re capped because the system is fucked.
(Hilariously, the same people who will NEVER date you no matter what you do are often the same people telling you what to do.)
Hell, even if you do and say all the right things, people might still push you away. Why?
Some people just don’t want a good thing.
Move on. Focus on what you want and who you want to become.
Don’t worry about the rest. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t fit into the standards. Don’t get mad at the statistics.
It’s energy better spent becoming the best version of yourself and finding the right partner.
More on that below.
You can overcome your environment.
False. You cannot overcome your environment.
No amount of “trying” is going to transform a toxic work culture.
No amount of “trying” is going to help you “win” a game that’s built against you.
No amount of “trying” is going to turn a tiny town into a major cosmopolitan.
You need to leave—and you need to leave fast.
Stop trying to think that you can grit your teeth and get through a bad situation.
Work hard, sure, but also put yourself in the right environment for your hard work to pay off.
If you follow steps 1, 2, 3…, you’ll be successful.
A lot of books and courses teach that, if you follow the steps, you will be successful.
You’ll have a successful business. You’ll be rich.
Look, a lot of people follow the right steps and still fail.
Meanwhile, a lot of people succeed despite themselves.
Or their success cannot be replicated.
There’s a lot of survivorship bias.
It’s just how life works.
So what’s wrong?
Nothing.
They just forgot to mention that nothing guarantees success. Even if you read 1,000 Medium articles a day, nothing will guarantee that it’ll work out as scripted.
To me, that’s okay—it’s all about stacking the odds in your favor.
Play the right way, but you still have to accept that, sometimes, you’ll fall flat on your face even if you do everything correctly.
It doesn’t mean you should stop—it just means you’re dealing with imperfection.
Follow the correct steps, but don’t have false expectations about what’s possible.
Then, you won’t feel so frustrated when you fail. And you’ll feel more confident to get back on your feet to try again.
Reading is the best teacher
The best teacher is experience.
You can read all the books you want, but nothing will beat doing the thing.
You can read all the books you want on being a writer, but until you publish articles for people to read, you will never learn how to be a writer.
You can read all the books you want on playing football, but until you run on the pitch, you will never learn how to play football.
Until you actually put yourself in the situation — in real life—you haven’t learned anything.
Conversely, if you never read a book, but put yourself through a bunch of experiences, you’d probably still learn what you need to be successful.
Don’t get me wrong: I love books and I love reading.
There’s so much wisdom and the right book can save you years of wasted effort.
But a book is not a surrogate for taking action.
Way too many people fall into that trap.
Don’t be like them. Read a book, sure. But then, close that book and use what you learned as fast as you can. Then, repeat.
Be yourself.
This is the advice they give you when they don’t know what else to tell you.
So they just say something that they think sounds good—and makes you feel good—even though it’s meaningless.
Frankly, “being yourself” is shitty advice, especially if you’re struggling in life. (Being yourself will just create more of the same struggles and problems.)
After all, being yourself is what got you there in the first place.
Instead, be who you want to be. Figure out what it will take to get to where you want to go and then just follow those steps.
Be your (better) self.
We’ll take care of it.
When you have problems in life, sometimes there are authority figures, organizations, departments, etc. who are supposed to help you.
So you tell them your problem.
“We’ll take care of it,” they say.
It might happen.
But often, nothing happens.
So you say it again.
“We’ll take care of it,” they say again.
It might happen.
But often, nothing happens.
What’s my point?
Learn to handle your own problems in life.
Sure, use what’s available to you—support, customer service, HR, BBB, etc.
But sometimes, you need to take matters into your own hands.
Look, I’m not saying to be a vigilante or something dangerous.
I’m saying, if you need to get shit done, you cannot rely on other people.
If you have a problem, learn how to take care of it.
If someone’s bothering you, learn how to respectfully confront them.
Fight for yourself because no one else is going to fight for you.
I’m not saying it’s easy—but it’s a skill that’s worth learning.
Also, if there’s anything I discovered from being an entrepreneur for a decade, it’s that many people are unreliable.
For example, if I had €1 every time someone didn’t email or call me back when they said they would, I would be richer than Scrooge McDuck.
They’re good and kind people, sure, but they couldn’t follow through on a commitment if their life depended on it.
Rather than waiting, get moving. Take action. Get the wheels turning. Have a backup plan.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket either. See how they handle tiny commitments. Getting coffee. Scheduling a meeting. Doing a small project. Answering a simple question.
Then, you can see if they can handle more or you should back out before it’s too late.
By doing that, you’ll be able to live your life on your own terms—not other people’s terms.
Good luck.