Of My 50+ Self-Help Reads, Only These 5 Have *Actually* Changed My Life
Actual goldmines proving to yield lifelong returns — in terms of joy, productivity, success, wisdom, and (spiritual) growth.
100,000+ self-help books exist today — and 15000+ new ones join the fray every year.
How in the world do we navigate this ocean?
Success gurus’ recommendations? Goodreads reviews? Celebrity reading lists? “More For You” algorithmic picks? Serendipity? Book-bloggers’ list(icle)s?
I leveraged them all to pick the 50-odd self-help books I’ve read so far.
But even among them, only 5 tangibly altered my life — rewiring my beliefs, world/self-view, and values. Over time (and re-reads), this has led to greater joy, freedom, and all-around success.
I’m not claiming this solely off my (bad) memory. Instead, I’ve…
- Sifted through my Goodreads “Read” list, their Self-Help lists, and my older book listicles.
- Surveyed my Kindle and bookshelves — to recall any I’ve missed (updating) on Goodreads.
- Reflected on my life/self’s pivotal changes — and probed if any (self-help) books helped bring it about.
I’m not saying these 5 books will change your life — or are the best self-help books for you.
All I’m saying is — these are hyper–filtered self-help gems:
- Theoretically, pre-choosing — via reviews, recommendations, and my intuition (honed over reading 500+ books).
- Experientially, post-reading — via real-life changes in my own self and reality.
Life-changing or not, they will give you a huge positive ROI — in terms of success, joy, wisdom, wealth, and freedom.
With no further ado, let’s dive right in.
P.S. — I’m excluding (self-helpish) novels from this list — otherwise, The Alchemist, Siddhartha, and The Fountainhead would 100% feature here.
P.S. Again— 3 of these 5 are excellent for regular re-reading, while 2 are one-time mind-blows. I have (and recommend getting) paperbacks of the former — and Kindle-only versions of the latter.
Unscripted by MJ DeMarco
Shock → Agitation → Fury → Recognition → Acceptance → Illumination → Excitement → Conviction.
That’s the rollercoaster Unscripted took me (and will likely take you) on.
The obsoleteness of our education system. The insidiousness of our job (and retirement) systems. The infinite-treadmillness of our consumerist system…
The shackled-boundness of our societal system itself.
Unscripted covers it all—with unapologetic honesty. But unlike most others, it doesn’t stop after setting the stage.
Instead, it dives deep into DeMarco’s Unscripted™️ system — a 360° approach for breaking the Scripted™️ shackles on our work, mind, life(style), and freedom.
It’s 360° freedom — financial, psychological, temporal, spatial, and societal.
De Marco himself is the best exemplar of Unscripted™️. He went from working odd jobs at 26 to a multi-millionaire by 33 — without sacrificing freedom. To quote him:
“Year after year, I get to do what few people can: I wake up when I want, do what I want, and live how I want. And no, cheap, miserly living — the kind fervently promoted in most best-selling books — is not part of my life. There is a unique joy in driving what you want, living how you want, and dining out as frequently as you want — and without cost as a consideration.
Simply put, I have designed my life to feel like a vacation.”
Unscripted™️ doesn’t mean a Utopia without effort or problems — but you get to choose your effort and problems.
It’s 360° freedom — financial, psychological, temporal, spatial, and societal.
Unscripted triggered a seismic paradigm shift for me — an unusual (bold) way to approach and design (work)life. More than the practicalities, the mental unlocks and models helped me massively.
Not designing life for vacations but designing it as a vacation.
Here are 5 excerpts that illustrate (the roots of) such unlocks and models:
“The problem is not people being educated. The problem is they’re educated just enough to believe what they’ve been taught, but not enough to question it.”
“You are owned by your sh*t, which is owned by your debt, which is either owned or profited by a corporation. So you work for a corporation, everything you buy comes from a corporation, everything you watch is produced by a corporation, and the debt you owe is held by a corporation.”
“If you want to make millions, impact millions.”
“The common thread amongst the SCRIPTED sheeple is they have no meaning. With meaning, this sh*t cannot compete. Social media showboating is no longer entertaining. Sporting events — fleeting entertainment not worthy of tears or a sibling smackdown. Pop culture: who’s dating whom, who got fat, who’s styling a new bikini — a pointless insult and trivialization of your purpose”
“No one willingly jumps into boiling water; we become suckers to the scheme by comfortably playing in lukewarm water while the heat slowly rises, optimally while showing the latest Hollywood movie while promising free popcorn.”
Since quitting my 9 to 5, I’m already tasting the Unscripted™️ life — (mostly) living my life on my terms:
I write for 3–4 hours a day. Hug my mother as often as I can. Meditate for 1–2 hours. Hit the gym or kickbox for 2–3 hours. Discuss life, philosophy, and God with friends. Journal, read, and reflect for 1–2 hours. Handle family errands as they crop up. Do/serve 10-day Vipassana courses. Scout for real estate.…
Or rejig it all and take whole days off whenever I want/need. Of course, this is the “ideal” day—but you get the idea(l).
The goal isn’t Scripted™️ “retirement” anymore — but Unscripted™️ freetirement…
Not designing life for vacations but designing it as a vacation.
Power Vs. Force by Prof. David Hawkins
Everything that pops into mind when we think of “Power” is wrong…
All that is actually Force — which is infinitely less powerful than Power. As Prof. David Hawkins explains,
“It (Force) must always succumb to Power…because Force automatically creates counter-Force.
Force always moves against something. Power doesn’t move at all. Because Force has an insatiable appetite, it constantly consumes. Power, in contrast, energizes…and supports. Power gives life and energy — Force takes these away.”
So, what is true Power? And how to unlock it in our lives and selves?
That’s where Power Vs. Force comes in…
A deep and nuanced exploration of Power and Force — aka “The hidden determinants of human behavior” as the subtitle puts it — and whose ratio also (in)directly determines everything.
Be it Good vs. Bad, Right vs. Wrong, or Moral vs. Immoral — most dualities are subjective and “immeasurable”.
But Power vs. Force is deterministic, complete, and measurable — as Prof. David Hawkins’ Map Of Consciousness shows:
What’s crucial to note is that — every 10-point jump in the Energetic Log indicates a 10¹⁰ jump in Power!
Courage is the first step over Force towards Power.
But until the 200-Log of Courage, it’s all Force — life-negating and destructive. So till then, the jump in “Power” is merely a Force jump…
- Blameful Guilt is 10¹⁰ times more Forceful than Shame.
- Regretful Grief is 10⁴⁵ times more Forceful than Guilt.
- Scornful Pride is 10¹⁰⁰ times more Forceful than Grief.
Courage is the first step over Force towards Power. From then on…
- Optimistic Willingness is 10¹¹⁰ times more Powerful than Courage.
- Understanding is 10⁹⁰ times more Powerful than Willingness.
- Reverent Love is 10¹⁰⁰ times more Powerful than Understanding.
The most interesting part?
Forgiveness is 10¹⁷⁵ times more Powerful than Pride — or billions of billions of…[17 more billions] of billions of times more Powerful. No wonder Alexander Pope said, “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”
These aren’t woo-woo numbers — but energetic calibrations over 20+ years of Consciousness research. Check out the live demonstrations. Better still, you can confirm by/for yourself with manual muscle testing!
The best part?
Power Vs. Force itself has an Energetic calibration of 850 — and merely reading it has a Consciousness-elevating effect. In fact, just 2 specific pages contrasting Power (left) vs. Force (right) have that effect:
Even if you don’t order/read Power Vs. Force, read and internalize the above pairs — it alone can work wonders. It’s a one-time “You can’t unsee once you see it” thing.
Power Vs. Force’s life-changing Power is of the same nature — forever rewires how you perceive reality. Here are 5 tiny fragments of its Power:
“The measure of true power lies in the ability to uplift and inspire others.”
“Love is more powerful than hatred; truth sets us free; forgiveness liberates both sides; unconditional love heals; courage empowers; and the essence of Divinity/Reality is peace.”
“Force seeks control, power embraces surrender. Force thrives on separation, power thrives on unity. Force resists change, while Power embraces it. Force is driven by ego, power is driven by purpose. Force seeks external validation, power is self-validating.”
“The skillful are not obvious — they appear to be simple-minded.”
“Force can bring satisfaction, but only power brings joy. Victory over others brings us satisfaction, but victory over ourselves brings us joy.”
Forgiveness is 10¹⁷⁵ times more Powerful than Pride.
Atomic Habits By James Clear
This is the only “cliche” on this list — but it is a cliche for a reason.
Atomic Habits is the definitive book on habits — not merely our leisure “hobbies” but the micro/macro habits that make up our lives. As James Clear says,
“Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. The same way that money multiplies through compound interest, the effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous.”
Since its release, Atomic Habits has been rehashed to death — by blogs, summaries, and videos. But it’s seared its 4 core principles into my brain:
- Make good habits as easy to do as possible.
- Make bad habits as hard to do as possible.
- Make good habits as hard to skip/avoid as possible.
- Make bad habits as easy to skip/avoid as possible.
After an incredible trial run with flossing, I’ve used these Fantastic Four to solidify my best habits:
Rising Early. Meditation. Cold showers. Working Out. () Journaling. Reading. Deep Work.
I’ve used (and am using) the same Four to break my bad habits — fapping to p*rn, overthinking, and binge-gaming/watching.
But Atomic Habits is far more than these 4 principles. Here are 5 excerpts that illustrate the same:
“The work that hurts you less than it hurts others is the work you were made to do.”
“Complaining about not achieving success despite working hard is like complaining about an ice cube not melting when you heated it from twenty-five to thirty-one degrees. Your work was not wasted; it is just being stored. All the action happens at thirty-two degrees.”
“The greatest threat to success is not failure but boredom. We get bored with habits because they stop delighting us. The outcome becomes expected. And as our habits become ordinary, we start derailing our progress to seek novelty.”
“You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change.
Atomic Habits won’t transform your life…
But it’ll let you optimally build good habits that will — and break bad ones that hold you back.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl
At face value, this is a Holocaust-survival memoir of an Austrian psychologist — gut-wrenching and soul-stirring.
But deeper down, it’s a cha(lle)nger of the fundamental driving force of human beings.
Neurologist Sigmund Freud thought it was the “Will To Pleasure”. Later, Psychotherapist Adler (and philosopher Nietzsche) claimed it to be the “Will to Power”.
But Viktor Frankl says it’s the “Will To Meaning”— the Will that saw him (and many others) survive the Holocaust horrors.
Where the strongest of minds, hopes, and wills broke, (the Will to) Meaning succeeded.
Unlike Adler and Freud, this isn’t merely intellectual — but experientially proven through a living nightmare:
Bread crumbs and watery gruel for sustenance. 12+ hours of back-breaking manual labor. Unprovoked lashings, beatings, and even gassings. Tattered threadbare clothing amidst biting cold. Cooped up like hens on creaking wooden planks. Festering wounds, swollen feet, and gangrene.
Where the strongest of minds, hopes, and wills broke — (the Will to) Meaning succeeded. For Frankl, it was tri-pronged:
- Meaning in re-uniting with his wife — and even just holding her in his mind.
- Meaning in finishing his manuscript — and gifting his breakthrough to the world.
- Meaning in helping the other inmates find their meaning.
Man’s Search For Meaning planted the seed for a forever shift from Power and Pleasure to Meaning:
From outer success to inner alignment. From excitement to inspiration. From external validation to internal fulfillment. From becoming someone to being my true self.
My words can’t do justice to Frankl’s deep insights and conviction. I’ll let his quotes do a better job:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”
“Love goes far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases to be of importance.”
“There are things which must cause you to lose your reason or you have none to lose.”
“A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how”.”
Like Power Vs. Force, even Man’s Search For Meaning has a Consciousness-elevating Power — each re-read will leave you wiser, humbler, and more loving.
May you (re)read Man’s Search For Meaning and triumph in your search for meaning!
The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida
Yes, the title sounds cocky and corny…
But this book is the polar opposite of toxic masculinity and gung-ho ego-stroking. As its subtitle promises, it’s — “A spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire”
If I could, I’d re-title this as “The Bible Of Authentic Masculinity”.
One of my 5 desk-resident books, The Way Of The Superior Man is my go-to mentor for most (daily) life issues…
Fallouts with my girlfriend. Temptations from other women. Discontent with my writing. Lack of (or confused) purpose. Muddled priorities. Disillusionment in/of life. Inner conflicts. Critical Crossroads. Escalating self-doubt, anxiety, and loathing.
But as powerful of a reference book The Way of The Superior Man is, its life-changing effect came (and comes) from the first read:
A fundamental shift from ego-stroking masculinity to Self-rooted masculinity…
An idolization shift from cigar-toting “high-level” manchildren to humble icons of duty. An ambition shift from material success to meaningful success. A self-image shift from craving to be someone to be(com)ing your own true self.
My shift? I’ll let these 2-years-apart screenshots do the talking:
My words can’t and won’t do justice to The Way of The Superior Man. I’ll let its own excerpts do that:
“Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration”
“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.”
“Self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires, keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.”
“Intimacy is about growing more than you could by yourself, through the art of mutual gifting.”
“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted…”
As with any book, The Way Of The Superior Man won’t change your life…
It’ll only show you The Way — heeding The Way and returning to The Way (through regular re-reads) will.
Shift from craving to be someone to be(com)ing your own true self.
Before You Go, Here Are 6 Honourable Mentions…
That missed the cut by a hair‘s breadth — or two:
1 — Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz:
Mind-rewiring core idea similar to what Power Vs. Force goes deep(er) into. But its psychological basis, sheer practicality, and deep positivity make it a worthy read. Here are 3 memorable quotes:
“Low self esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
“Psycho-Cybernetics does not say that man is a machine. Rather, it says that man has a machine that he uses.”
“A bicycle maintains its poise and equilibrium only so long as it is going forward towards something. You have a good bicycle. Your trouble is you are trying to maintain your balance sitting still, with no place to go.”
2 — The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer:
From a hippie Yogi to a multi-millionaire, Michael Singer “surrendered” his way to success. His real-life story and intense wisdom make this a powerful read. Here are 3 potent quotes:
“Life was not as fragile as that voice in my head would have me believe.”
“Each of us actually believes that things should be the way we want them, instead of being the natural result of all the forces of creation.”
“Do whatever is put in front of you with all your heart and soul without regard for personal results. Do the work as though it were given to you by the universe itself — because it was.”
3 — The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco:
If not for Unscripted, this’d have been on the main list. What Unscripted is for life as a whole, this is for wealth. Mental models, ideation, execution, sustenance, freedom — it covers it all. Here are 3 hard-hitting quotes:
“The owner of an idea is not he who imagines it, but he who executes it.”
“For “do what you love” to work, you need two things: 1) Your love must solve a need and 2) You must be exceptional at it.”
“The King: Your execution — The Queen: Your marketing — The Bishop: Your customer service — The Knight: Your product — The Rook: Your people — The Pawn: Your ideas.”
4 — Models by Mark Manson
Think The Way Of The Superior Man — but less profound and more practical. In a world of manipulative B.S. tactics, Mark teaches true attraction — and everything that goes into it. Here are 3 powerful quotes:
“You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others.”
“Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?”
“Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.”
5 — The Almanack Of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgenson
This is Unscripted’s TL;DR version — on health, wealth, and happiness. Full of pithy mind-rewiring nuggets, this is a gem for regular-re-reading. Here are 3 thought-provoking quotes:
“Learn to sell. Learn to build. If you can do both, you will be unstoppable.”
“Play iterated games. All the returns in life, whether in wealth, relationships, or knowledge, come from compound interest.”
“A happy person isn’t someone who’s happy all the time. It’s someone who effortlessly interprets events in such a way that they don’t lose their innate peace.”
6 — Deep Work by Cal Newport
This pioneer used to be a life-changer. Only the 1st half remains valuable now — the part that illustrates the crucialty of deep work. The “How To” 2nd half? Tons of blogs and videos on it. That said, here are 3 notable quotes:
“[Great creative minds] think like artists but work like accountants.”
“Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love — is the sum of what you focus on.”
“Two Core Abilities for Thriving in the New Economy 1. The ability to quickly master hard things. 2. The ability to produce at an elite level, in terms of both quality and speed.”
Now, It’s Your Turn…
Which of the 5 books and 6 honorable mentions have you already read?
Which all do you plan on (re)reading? What are the self-help books that have changed your life? Any you’d recommend for me and the other readers?
We’d love to know.
“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”